[Malfecious]

Many of you may have noticed i havent been as...prolific on the site as of late. I am truly sorry, but I have been battling for my own sanity over the last sevenmonth, and here I shall tell you why...

Some of you may have been aware that last year, about April, I met a new ladyfreind. After having my heart broken by the last two, who then went on to date a few of my freinds (something of a huge no no in my code of honour) I was reluctant to commit myself fully. But we became close, and started dating, and for several months i was blissfully happy, very much enamoured, introducing her to my parents, buying her gifts, taking her places, and making my first forays into the physical side of the relationship.

It came to our sixth month anniversary (a milestone that neither of us had surpassed before) and I decided to celebrate. However, when I suggested a day out to London, shopping and dinner, I was told my other ha;lf was 'too busy' with college work. Understandable, as they really had been dumping it on the both of us, and I was barely keeping my own head above water. The longest i'd been without seeing her outside of college at this point was 2 weeks, and we spoke to each other morning noon and night every day.

Days turned into weeks, and a week rapidly slipped into a Month without going out and enjoying ourselves. Her demeanour had changed, she was slightly more introverted, quiet, and reserved, and seemed less inclined to express her affections physically. I put this down to her turbulent home life (her father recently being made redundant, and both parents pressuring her with her studies) and tried to be understanding, giving her all the support and space she needed.

She decided that the main problem were here freinds, who she had been close to since high school. She told them she didn't want to hang around with them anymore, as they werent 'what she needed', and they were seeing people she didn't like and couldn't be civil. She felt they'd stagnated, and she needed to make new freinds. I supported her, not seeing the logic as those freinds i had met seemed lovely and cared for her. I told her she'd surely make new aquaintances, even though she was pretty much refusing to approach and talk to people, and seemed to believe they'd queue up to befreind her.

We carried on, not seeing much of one another, and I began feeling slightly uneasy. Had I done something wrong, or said something? Why didn't she want to see me anymore? during the early days we'd been inseperable, and had so much in common, I'd never met anyone quite like her.I once again began battling with my depression, my own demons and insecurities coming to the fore. Instead of being sympathetic or trying to help me through this, she made light of it, calling me 'imamture' or 'an emo'. I went dark, shutting everyone out for a few days to get my thoughts together. I told her this when i once again re-emerged, and she was sulking about it, asking why I couldn't talk to her about it. 'Because you wouldn't even take it seriously' i felt like saying.

Things began moving downhill. Whenever we spoke, she would say something hurtful, or just downright odd, and then that too would somehow be my fault. I realised she was starting to blame me and everyone else for problems that were her own devising. At this point i'd given up hope of things returning to the way they were, the spark, for me, had died. A few weeks later, she said that we 'needed to talk', after several days of her blanking me, or moving away when i tried to hug or kiss her. After 45 minutes sat in total silence and me asking her what was wrong, she finally opened up. She said things had changed, I wasnt the guy she'd fallen for, she felt like i didn't care and that we should just be freinds. I told her I had been feeling similar, and that we both needed to take some time to think about what we wanted. We both agreed and went our seperate ways.

A few days later, after being civil for the while, I asked her how she felt, and what she wanted, to try again or to finish on good, mutual terms. She retorted with 'I told you how i feel. I just thought you needed some time to sort yourself out'. After sitting in mind boggled silence,I conceded she was blatantly insane, and decided that we should end things, and remain freinds, although I obviously didn't want to see much of her. I changed my facebook status, and a few freinds commented, and i engaged in some light banter, as they were obviously trying to keep my spirits up, and I likewise. Nothing to do with her, no personal attacks, just about the situation, and a freind of mine dressing as a fireman for his own pleasure.

She took umbridge to this. 'Glad you find it so amusing' she said. I explained my side and she was having none of it. That was the last time we spoke. A few days later, her relationship status had changed to 'married', not uncommon for freinds to alter as a joke between them. However, the boy she was 'married' to was leaving flirtatious messages on her profile, and she was responding as she had when we first started flirting with one another. His facebook picture even had both of them in it, face beside face. Pretty soon her MSN tag was full of love hearts, and every other status was about her 'being dreaming' or similar veiled statements of affection.

I checked myself. was I reading to far into this, my paranoia getting the better of me? or After 7 months, had she moved on in four days, from someone she would 'always love'? Did i mean that little to her, did my love mean nothing? And so it sits, her having apparently moved on, me torn between not giving a shit and wanting to tear the walls down at the apparent injustice. I don't care what she does, but the principle sickens me. She has either moved on and never cared, is trying to get over me (funny, as the boy in question is very very similar in appearance) is fooling herself into thinking she's over me, or is just trying to make me jealous and twist the knife. Maybe they ARE just freinds? who knows. who cares.

I could sit here wondering if i made the mistakes, if i really was all in the wrong, and have hurt her so much she goes tunning into the arms of another guy. Maybe she was seeing him before we broke up, or was cheating on me all along. I doubt I'll ever know. I need to concentrate on whats important, knuckle down and do myself justice in my studies, enjoy singledom and maybe find a girl who is just up for some 'fun', nothing serious, just something simple, which is what i need, some enjoyment, instead of something heavy and soul destroying. This was a girl who laughed at me when we first tried to consumate our romanc eafter all, and she has shattered my minimal self confidence. I sure can pick 'em

so, Mygoth, i apologise for my laxity, and will try to make it up to you with my usual witty, considered posting. I thank those of you who have, and will, be there for me, and only hope i can do the same for you. Take my unfortunate tale as a caution - some people are not what they appear on the surface, and there is always someone ready to take advantage of a nice guy. and no matter how many times you've been through the wringer, there's always another chance to get your heart broken.

/rant

[RazorToTheRosary]

oohh dear *hug* seems it may very well be time to 'Comfort the Disturbed'
chin up honey, there are other fish and so on.

[Neochick]

Malfy, I offer you e-hugs

*hugs*

and I know its cliche, but you will recover

I do not agree with her making light of your depression though. As someone who suffers herself from time to time, people making fun of your depressive moods are not helping at all. I find it makes it harder due to a 'oh great im feeling stink for no reason other then feeling stink' which then makes me feel more stink

[Sugar_Skull]

Hmm, sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. You're better off without that!
Just avoid labeling yourself as abused nice guy (that way lies bitterness) return to the soft nest of Mygoth, and hopefully find someone better in future. And ignore all Facebook/Myspace shenanigans

[Red Death Stalking]

Oh no, Sir Malf!
+ offers hug +

Love'n Loss is a bittersweet thing, but
do have faith in the ability to heal with time.

I am very much hoping for your happiness.

-hope-comfort-hope

[Heretic]

In my experience, what happened to your relationship is usually down to immaturity. Not that immaturity is necessarily a bad thing; you are in th emidst of a time when immaturity allows a persons to have a unique kind of joy in life. The problems come when people in relationships demonstrate an immaturity in how they deal with the highs and lows of sharing your life with someone. Immaturity manifests itself in these circumstances as the spikes and barbs that damage those you care about.

It sounds to me as though she simply needs time to learn more about who she really is and where she wants to be in her life. Until people do this, or at least get on that path and start exploring those questions honestly, they have nothing to give to others.

In the end, it wasn't you and it wasn't about her. Like so many other things, it was probably just a matter of timing. Another time, under different circumstances, things might have lasted. But that's just not how things worked out.

And on the subject of her new flirtations, don't give it another thought. She is either actively trying to cause you pain (probably as a salve for her own), or she's completely indifferent to whatever your reactions might be to what she says or does. Either way, you have to remember that she's a part of your past, not your present life. Mourn what was and what might have been, but do not let that stand in the way of moving on.

In the meant time, allow me to share an old song I used in my younger days when I wallowed in self-pity and recriminations. Yes, it's a sappy 70's soft rock song, but it speaks to this kind of situation better than any other song I've ever heard. Just remember that once you finish wallowing, get out and dry off before your soul gets too pruney. Don't deny the pain, but don't let it control you either.


- Heretic

[RazorToTheRosary]

As usual, Heretics right Malfy. And the whole flirting thing, coming from a girl who's been there and done that, its normal. When me and my current partner had our 'break' shortly after our first anniversary, he dated another girl, and i was all over another guy, in desperate attempts to make it easier and forget eachother. I know i've told you that whole story in private, but trust me, its relevant.
Though its just easier to ignore it no matter what, if its to hurt you, which it possibly could, dont react to her. If its not to hurt you, still ignore it, its just some peoples way with dealing with breaking up.

Go have some fun, mourn a little, and pick up or i'll come get you! I can drive almost

[Malfecious]

I'm probably better at driving than you Rosary dearest

thank you all, It's been a horrible time for me, and the impending one year anniversary of my Grandfather's passing hasn't helped
It's nice to know i have people there to support me, and who believe in me, even when i don't...

[RazorToTheRosary]

As you're having awkward times, i'll save killing you for the cheeky comment for a later date.

And look! Just see how many chick hugs you're getting on here! That could cheer the coldest of hearts up

[Johnny_C]

Perhaps I shall teach Malf the ancient art of undying. Then he can remove his heart and never have it broken again. That, and a second immortal walking the earth might me nice.

[druidessofthedark]

Aww Malfy. I am sorry this has happened to you. Just remember you always have us. We love you and always will.

[cybele13]

Love you, Malfy. And I've missed you.

Sounds like your lady friend has an awful lot of growing up to do. She's the one who refused to introduce you to her family, yes? I'm sad you're feeling poorly about everything, but I'm glad she's gone. She was not the right girl for you.

It would be my guess that a flirtation with that new guy or someone else had been taking place for a while, which would explain why she wasn't being affectionate, to the point of avoiding you, and why she was trying to pick fights with you. She didn't know how to break up with you and was hoping that you'd do it so she could be guilt-free.

Yes, I always think the worst of members of my sex. We're horrid people. I've treated guys as poorly as you've been treated, Malf. I'm not proud of it, but it's how I was...always thinking that the grass might possibly be greener on the other side, stringing one, two, or three guys along at the same time...

Take comfort in the fact that she's going to play the next few guys the same way she played you.

[Johnny_C]

Don't feel too miserable Malf. I think all guys have been there once or twice. I know I have.

[Sugar_Skull]

And us chicks. Take comfort in knowing that it could have been even worse than that Malfy.

Chin up, have a pizza and video night and do whatever you need to distract yourself during tough times.

[RazorToTheRosary]

Cybele IS right sweetie, we're just naturally a very cruel sex. Im happy to say i've not been so mean to a man, although with a couple the thoughts been there.
It wasn't you sweetie, girls are just mean when they want out of something. We do it with everything, relationships, friendships, school projects and housework. It's how we role. And it sucks.

Take Sugars advice, take up a good movie you know all the words to, a huge pizza and dramatically say the lines along with the film while pieces of pizza fly around the room.

[Sugar_Skull]

I wouldn't say it was girls that are mean. I think there's people in each gender who'll hurt others both deliberately and unintentionally, and I've seen some abominable examples.

[Catie]

I think that everyone before me has said it all very eloquently, Malf, but I'm still really sorry that you had to go through all this.
*offers her own hugs*

[Despised_freak]

I don't want to see malfy, one of my biggest fans, hurting because of some girl. :(

There's only one thing to do.
Stab her!
Or not. But it's nice to think about those things sometimes.

Everyone else has said everything that needed to be said, so there's not really much for me to say. (redundant much? lol)
Just take some time for yourself and don't worry about serious relationships.
That's my advice. But I was never really good at giving advice. *sigh*

*hugs and kisses for malfy*

[bugkodee]

my dear brother, believe me when i say i was exactly where you are about 5-6 months ago. however, my lady and i had been together for nearly 6 years at the time, and i was certain she was going to be the one i would spend the rest of my life with; boy how things can change. but, i realized some things that i never had a chance to learn, and in doing so i'm sooo much happier than i ever could have been with her. i made some mistakes in winning her over, i gave up my "dark ways" for a brighter life, which wasn't enjoyable; and i gave up some awesome friends to appease her. two things i'll never do again, change who i am or my friends because they want me to, that's a personal decision. but anyway, after a big heartbreak and some time to figure things out, you realize what a good relationship is, and can tell a difference. i've got feelings for my lady that i never knew could be felt, and it's amazing. i can barely go a day without seeing her, and would die if i had to go weeks. we fit together, accept who one another is; and the biggest thing, honesty. we talk all the time, about everything, there's no secrets, no lies, and it's absolutely the greatest thing. in time you'll find your "one" and chances are you'll know early on that she's it. good luck, and i'm glad to see you're still with us buddy!!!

[LadyLandau]

Aw, Malf
You deserve so much better.
I'd like to talk to you pne on one if your up for it