[Heretic]

While this essay is essentially a critique of the bland sameness in the Hollywood versions of what the End Times might look like, it is funnier than hell:

There are, from what I can tell, a few rules:

You do not wear shorts to the Apocalypse. You do not wear flipflops or capri pants or a kicky little pink halter from Betsy Johnson. You certainly don't wear skinny jeans or a nice pea coat and some Mary Janes. There are no Ugg boots at Judgment Day. Tasseled loafers? Please. Sweatpants are sort of tacky, but hoodies are widely accepted if you really must go the bleak oatmeal route. Then again, this is the apocalypse, sweetheart. Isn't it about time you got serious?

You can read the entire article here.


- Heretic

[Johnny_C]

That was quite amusing. I think when it comes to the end of the world, you want to dress for survival and not to be stylish.

I assure you I will not be sticking out like a sore thumb in the middle of the apocalypse.

[God_Module]

In the zombie apocalypse, tight attire is best.
What would you guys wear for the apocalypse?

[Sugar_Skull]

Ah, how fortunate it then is that I am smoking, and do see nothing wrong with eating breakfast foods for dinner. And yes, dusters and leather are the shiz.

Some of my favourite looks er, adaptations to the environment's privations

Arid burning wasteland




Zombies




Warring Neo-Feudal clans - Ninjaaaaaaaaaa!




And Evening Glamour

[Heretic]

As I've mentioned on occasion, my personal style in a kind of a mash-up that includes outdoor clothing (think North Face), tactical clothing (anyone ever play Splinter Cell? There you go), and a sort of Goth/formal/business attire (Hugo Boss and Armani by way of The Matrix). And since I live in Minnesota, I have both scorching heat and bone-chilling cold climates covered.

If things went to hell, I probably already have everything I might need to wear and any gear I might need to survive.


- Heretic


fyi -- I'm not some sort of nutjob. I have, however, worked in the past as a security guard and a bouncer. I also happen to be a trail runner and all around outdoorsy person. As a result, I've collected quite a bit of gear over the years.

[Sugar_Skull]

No nut jobbiness assumed! I wear many things which are "mainstream" or eclectic but get mixed into my style regardless because they serve a function - such as stopping me getting burnt/chilled. After all, one must also be practical.

My parasol would help in coping with the destruction of the ozone layer, and the metal point may be used to fend enemies off. My shift dress is black which provides sun protection, light enough to be cool, and just above my knees so I can run. A long sleeved shirt will shield your arms a bit from sunburn or abrasion, and may easily be shed if you're grabbed

A fleece vest which can slip n zip over less bulky clothing will warm you up quickly as well as keeping your arms free, a long coat can be a blanket for a shock victim or will help cut an icy wind (as does a cheapie top hat). Fingerless gloves conserve heat while allowing you to drive or pull triggers. A longish loose skirt over pants over knee high socks with eight up boots = toasty but still fast.

Doc Martens would be a good choice for cold climates or smoldering surfaces/broken glass/corrosive spills.


If you're not moving, black clothing keeps you cooler - If you are moving, black clothes warm you. And oddly enough, copious eyeliner is supposedly helps cut sun glare, which (allegedly)is why ancient Egyptians wore it? And ten points to the first person who uses cyber-goggles as snow goggles

Also putting hair up and sleek tailored gear means fewer hand holds for bony grasping fingers, and belts/stockings make handy tourniquets.

lol

[Heretic]

Sugar_Skull, on 15 January 2010 - 09:52 AM, said:

Fingerless gloves conserve heat while allowing you to drive or pull triggers.

Tactical full-fingered gloves are designed to not only give you the freedom of movement to handle fine motor actions like pulling triggers, but to protect your hands from damage. I happen to be partial to Mechanix M-Pact 2 tactical gloves:




Things like scrabbling over broken concrete, smashing through plate glass, or punching someone in the face requires better protection than fashionably fingerless gloves.

Quote

Doc Martens would be a good choice for cold climates or smoldering surfaces/broken glass/corrosive spills.

Doc Martens may have some application in industries where a person would have to worry about grease or minor chemical spills, but that's about it. Take it from a cold weather Goth; Docs suck in ice and snow. The boot leather is thin, the lug pattern in the soles doesn't get much bite, there is no arch or ankle support, and the rubber is slick as hell once it gets cold enough. No one in this state wears them in the winter time if they value their neck.

For footwear, the kind of tactical boots popular with police and military personnel is your best bet. for example:



Thorogood 8" Side Zip Waterproof Tactical Boots

They're good for protection against everything from a downpour to blood-borne pathogens, plus they have vibram soles for long wear. And the bonus? They look nice and sinister (perfect for those with Gothic sensibilities), all without the kinds of zippers and buckles that would shine/jangle and alert zombies/marauders/gangs to your presence.

Quote

oddly enough, copious eyeliner is supposedly helps cut sun glare, which (allegedly)is why ancient Egyptians wore it?

Athletes, such as baseball and football players, have been very familiar with this for quite a while. In case you've ever wondered why they smear that black stuff under their eyes (although many use black adhesive patches instead), now you know.

Plus, you can't discount how intimidating the creative use of eyeblack can be:

Quote

And ten points to the first person who uses cyber-goggles as snow goggles

I picked up a pair of those last years for US$10 at a pawn shop. They've been flooding the market ever since American soldiers started returning from Afghanistan and Iraq. The military issues them to everyone serving over there because of the problems with dust and glare. They work like a charm up here in the cold.





- Heretic

[Sugar_Skull]

Hey! Those look like my old steel capped Tai Pans! I still haven't worn out those things.

[druidessofthedark]

Heretic, on 15 January 2010 - 09:52 AM, said:

As I've mentioned on occasion, my personal style in a kind of a mash-up that includes outdoor clothing (think North Face), tactical clothing (anyone ever play Splinter Cell? There you go), and a sort of Goth/formal/business attire (Hugo Boss and Armani by way of The Matrix). And since I live in Minnesota, I have both scorching heat and bone-chilling cold climates covered.

If things went to hell, I probably already have everything I might need to wear and any gear I might need to survive.


- Heretic


fyi -- I'm not some sort of nutjob. I have, however, worked in the past as a security guard and a bouncer. I also happen to be a trail runner and all around outdoorsy person. As a result, I've collected quite a bit of gear over the years.

It would be very inappropriate for me to tell you what I just pictured in my head Heretic.


I know my boots would be on my feet but can't really be sure what else because it depends on the season it is. You just can't predict these things. I do have something for every season and every occasion.

[S2KDragonKiller]

I'd pick everything that Heretic mentioned plus a kevlar vest (rrp £100 from what I've seen) and a big leather coat for the concealment of weapons and to stop Zombie bites getting through to the skin.

[God_Module]

all real, all functional, all stuff I wish I could have in the apocalypse!

[Heretic]

God_Module, on 15 January 2010 - 03:14 PM, said:

all real, all functional, all stuff I wish I could have in the apocalypse!

Hmm...

• The laces on those combat boots would last through maybe a few months of tying and untying before they wore out. The zippers on the other pair allow you to take your boots off without messing up the custom fit the laces provide.
  
• I've never been big on assault rifles; if you're on the run, they just aren't very accurate. At distance, I'd rather run than risk a stand-up fight. And if they're too close to run from (in an ambush situation, for example), nothing beats a 12-gauge shotgun.
  
• Those goggle look kinda cool, but those open slots next to the lenses will let in all kinds of water, dirt, and blood.
  
• I'm also not much of an armour fan (unless. of course, it happens to be the new flexible and light-weight Dragon Skin body armour). You have to balance bulk and the loss of mobility against speed and stealth, not to mention the toll body armour would take on you in a warm environment.
  
• For air filters, I'm inclined go with snagging some packages of industrial chemical/anti-pathogen breathing masks like the one below, rather than a heavier, bulkier model:
  
• 

- Heretic

[God_Module]

*facepalm*
pwn'd by heretic
except the Assault rifle thing, the AK47 is the world's premiere fighting weapon, adding on to it's already outstanding basic features make it even better. Besides, how many shotguns can you bury in the ground and come back to them 12 years later and have them fire like you just bought it yesterday?

[Johnny_C]

Best tool to have under any circumstances, the knife. It's the all purpose tool.

[God_Module]

Johnny_C, on 15 January 2010 - 10:18 PM, said:

Best tool to have under any circumstances, the knife. It's the all purpose tool.

or the crowbar, has anyone here read the zombie survival guide?

[Heretic]

God_Module, on 15 January 2010 - 08:43 PM, said:

*facepalm*
pwn'd by heretic

Eh...not so much. Your list is fine as long as you're careful about the quality of the items you pick up.

Quote

except the Assault rifle thing, the AK47 is the world's premiere fighting weapon, adding on to it's already outstanding basic features make it even better.

The old "which firearm is better" debate is a fluid one, and really boils down to how you plan to use a particular firearm. My choice of a shotgun is based on an aversion to getting involved in a risky, drawn-out, stand-up fight in the event of a worst case disaster scenario. If I were planning an attack of some kind, an assault rifle would be the obvious choice. But since the key to survival in a worst case scenario is to stay hidden and keep a low profile, a defensive weapon with some serious stopping power seems like the better choice.

I'm also thinking that carrying around and/or acquiring all the heavy 7.62x39mm ammunition needed for a Kalashnikov would be a bit more problematic than carrying around a few boxes of 12-gauge 00-buckshot.

(btw -- for assault rifles, I'm partial to the FN P90, the weapon of choice for the US Secret Service, Navy SEALs and several European anti-terrorism agencies.)

Quote

Besides, how many shotguns can you bury in the ground and come back to them 12 years later and have them fire like you just bought it yesterday?

I've heard some pretty impressive accounts of just how tough the Remington 870 Express and the Mossberg 500 really are. Fewer moving parts cuts down on the rate of equipment failure, you see.

Johnny_C, on 15 January 2010 - 09:18 PM, said:

Best tool to have under any circumstances, the knife. It's the all purpose tool.

God_Module, on 15 January 2010 - 10:10 PM, said:

or the crowbar, has anyone here read the zombie survival guide?

A knife, while a handy tool, isn't much help in most fights against multiple attackers. You might get one, but the others will disarm and disable you.

A crowbar makes for a better weapon, but requires a lucky shot on a vulnerable area to do any real damage. Assuming your target is alive, of course. Against a zombie, bashing damage does you no good. And good luck hanging onto your crowbar if you get blood on it.

My choice is an oldie but a goodie:

The Pulaski wildland firefighting tool




- Heretic

[Johnny_C]

Well, hence why I said tool and not weapon. It can be used to skin meat, cut wire/rope... the list goes on, its a multi-functional and invaluable tool.

[Sugar_Skull]

Heretic, on 16 January 2010 - 02:14 AM, said:

Tactical full-fingered gloves are designed to not only give you the freedom of movement to handle fine motor actions like pulling triggers, but to protect your hands from damage. I happen to be partial to Mechanix M-Pact 2 tactical gloves:

Aw, no fair. I no can has any tactical gear!

Heretic, on 16 January 2010 - 02:14 AM, said:

Plus, you can't discount how intimidating the creative use of eyeblack can be:

I figured it was something like both those things.. but um.. Heretic? I don't think that guy needs any help from the eyeblack. Each one of his fists is almost literally the size of my head.

S2KDragonKiller, on 16 January 2010 - 06:59 AM, said:

I'd pick everything that Heretic mentioned plus a kevlar vest (rrp £100 from what I've seen) and a big leather coat for the concealment of weapons and to stop Zombie bites getting through to the skin.

I wanted the bad ass duster also, until I saw this

5.48 - 6.08



Johnny's idea of a knife is good, for use as a tool and close range when you're out of ammo - but how would a machete go with decapitation? Hopefully quite well, as they were used to slash trails through jungle




[img]

[S2KDragonKiller]

As far as weapons go, a good hunting riffle, and a big all purpose knife would be an absolute on the survival list... but what about situations where you have to meet people you might not trust. you'll want some kind of back up right? well in a post apocalyptic world you'll want something you can conceal, that is a high enough calibre to stop living and undead alike, and takes more than one type of ammo (as you'll never know where you can pick up another pack of .45s). So I'm thinking maybe a couple of these:



Yes it's big, only 5 shots, and not very accurate. But it has stopping power at close range.

Quote

I wanted the bad ass duster also, until I saw this

5.48 - 6.08

I'd not have a trench coat - theyre too bulky. A snug - short-medium coat would work a lot better, especially if its good quality leather because then it's fire proof, to a certain extent knife proof, you won't get your feet wrapped up in it when you run, and like I said you can conceal things still. A long woollen coat would only be practical if you had to go out in the winter.


As far as legwear goes I don't think you could go wrong with a pair of kevlar lined black jeans or cargo pants - hard wearing, light, fitting, and full of pockets. great if you ned pockets when scavenging, less likely to tear on glass or thorns which would leave your skin open to cuts and infection or zombie bites.


a small subtle anti-path mask would be useful if the air is bad, but do you have to change the filters regularly?

Nightvision goggles are a great idea too as now you can get them from toys r us along with night vision binoculars.

[Heretic]

Sugar_Skull, on 17 January 2010 - 05:41 AM, said:

Johnny's idea of a knife is good, for use as a tool and close range when you're out of ammo - but how would a machete go with decapitation? Hopefully quite well, as they were used to slash trails through jungle

Actually, that is exactly what I have in mind for my wife. She used to spend summers on her grandmother's farm. She can swing a mean machete.

S2KDragonKiller, on 17 January 2010 - 08:56 AM, said:

As far as weapons go, a good hunting riffle, and a big all purpose knife would be an absolute on the survival list... but what about situations where you have to meet people you might not trust. you'll want some kind of back up right? well in a post apocalyptic world you'll want something you can conceal, that is a high enough calibre to stop living and undead alike, and takes more than one type of ammo (as you'll never know where you can pick up another pack of .45s).

Maybe...Unfortunately, I'm not sure how many people could use that thing and not break a wrist.

Quote

As far as legwear goes I don't think you could go wrong with a pair of kevlar lined black jeans or cargo pants - hard wearing, light, fitting, and full of pockets. great if you ned pockets when scavenging, less likely to tear on glass or thorns which would leave your skin open to cuts and infection or zombie bites.

Nice! I'll have to look into getting a pair. Those would be wonderful for camping and mountaineering as well.

Quote

a small subtle anti-path mask would be useful if the air is bad, but do you have to change the filters regularly?

The masks I've looked at are of the wear-and-discard variety. They come in plastic cylinders like Pringles potato chips (aka "crisps" to you Brits). It's easy to carry a bunch of them at once, and you can snatch one very quickly if you need to.

Also, keep in mind that if overall air quality remains bad for an extended period of time, you won't be spending much time outside anyway.

Quote

Nightvision goggles are a great idea too as now you can get them from toys r us along with night vision binoculars.

True enough. But in the long term, I just don't like the idea of dealing with the whole battery issue. That's why my plan for survival would involve acquiring long-burning candles (I own boxes of camping candles that last 6-8 hours) and chemical illumination. Those options weigh less and last much longer than flashlights and batteries.


- Heretic