[druidessofthedark]

A very close friend of mine has lost a ton of weight in like 2 or so months. She does take an appetite suppressant about every other day. Things just don't add up with this. I took the same appetite suppressant and I know how fast I didn't loose weight. I asked her yesterday what the hell she was doing to drop so much weight and she said she just watches what she eats. I honestly think she is making herself throw up. She has told me before that in her past she went to rehab for that and I can't seem to shake the feeling she is doing it again. I don't know how to approach this because I am a little concerned. She is 40 years old and should know better. It is so bad on your body and she knows this. I also think she could be hooked on Xanax again as well. So there are a few things that make me worry. I am not sure how to approach this. Anyone got any ideas? I am at a loss.

[Heretic]

druidessofthedark, on 09 February 2010 - 09:59 AM, said:

Anyone got any ideas? I am at a loss.

When I see (or suspect) someone I care about engaging in something self-destructive, I try to address the issue as soon as possible. I'll invite them out to some pleasant, sunny, neutral place where we can talk without others overhearing, and then I'll lay it all out: what I've seen, what I've heard, what I suspect and why. This sounds much harsher than it really is. By being direct but diplomatic, you can avoid making a naked accusation and forcing them into a defensive lie. You simply express concern, talking at length about the issue and leading them to a place where they can come to the decision to confide in you. You are trying to help them; they should know that you have no intention of judging them for their actions, that you only want to be there to help and support them.

For example, many people would have no trouble asking a nosy question if they suspected something like what you think your friend might be doing. The trick is laying out what gave you the idea that this might be the case. Ask her about how she used to hide her problem from others before she went to rehab; tell her about the things you see in her personality or her behavior that might have changed in the time since she started on her weight loss supplement; bring up alternative causes for the things you've observed before she can (differences in how the supplement may affect different people, exercises she might be doing that you didn't do, food plans that may differ from the one you used with the supplement, etc.). This will show that you didn't jump to conclusions, that you've thought about this and just want to be sure she's okay

Make your conversation about her general well-being, as opposed to the one burning question. Even if you can't get a straight answer the first time around, you've laid the groundwork for her to confide in you when she is ready and more comfortable addressing the concerns you bring up.


- Heretic

[Sugar_Skull]

Yes, definitately allow for heaps of privacy when you choose to talk to her. Nothing stops someone talking freely like random hoverers or someone seated behind you both.

What you posted already sounds pretty indicative of bulimia, especially with her history but there are physical signs like red or watering eyes and bad breath/tooth decay if you want to be absolutely sure before you bring it up.

And she's already let you in a bit by telling you about her past rehab, so maybe she won't be outraged when you ask or talk around the issue? Maybe that's the only way she can ask for help.

[cybele13]

If you are really concerned about her, then follow Heretic's advice. Be direct with her, but make sure you two are alone. She'll probably still deny it though.

I had a close friend in college who kept her bulimia/anorexia well-hidden, but as we became closer, she would binge in front of me. I was never with her when she purged, but she'd disappear for a while after she ate, so I can only assume. She wound up in the hospital and had to leave school. I lost track of her for years.

She never really recovered. Anyone I know who was eating disordered hasn't. They just seem to have transferred their obsession to something else. The friend I mentioned above is now an exercise addict. Believe me, there is such a thing.

[xQuestionablexSanityx]

It's a tricky situation. I have suffered from anorexia in the past and alot of my friends are recovered anorexics.
Approaching her is a good idea. though, I know from experience that she will be in denial and won't trust you. It is difficult to gauge the reaction of someone who is enveloped in such a nasty disorder.

The best thing you can do is to let her know you are there for her if she ever needs anything. For a lot of people with anorexia or bulimia like with any other addiction problem, because it becomes an addiction, it will get worse before it get's better and she most likely won't get help until she's hit rock bottom and ends up having a nasal gastric tube. Which is not pleasant in the least.

Just support her. It's hard to watch someone fall.. But be there at the bottom (if it reaches there) to help.